I want to ride my bicycle!

It's only May 20th and I've already had the immense pleasure of sitting poolside.  Twice!  I've also had the immense pleasure of getting into said pool, but it's only been filled for a week and despite the solar cover's best efforts, it was chilly. Quite chilly.  

After a lovely, lovely weekend of gardening, tan lines, bachelorette parties and more, I found myself overwhelmed with the urge to do one thing.

Well, two...

Bike.  Beer.

This afternoon while sitting outside sunbathing with my Motherperson, the mood struck me.  So, I declared that I was going to ride my bike tonight. Wherever, for however long I like.  

A couple of hours later, one pit-stop for a Miller Lite, and one gargantuan hill conquered, I'm home and a happy camper.  

Have a good week, my friends.

By the way, if you're looking for a tool to help you log your jogs, walks, bike rides, and so on, mapmyride.com is awesome!  

Restart - Take 2

I just got hit by a rogue shell.
Fire power gone...
No worries!  There's a box with a question mark.
It better not be a coin...  I need a "big."  Right.  Now.
Great!
Wait...
NO.  No.
PAUSE!
Okay...  I can be little Mario and try to finish the level, orrrrrr...

Annnnnd I'm dead.

Meh.  Restart...

If only starting over were as simple as smacking a button on the top of my brother's Super Nintendo system...  So many times I'd get to a point where I'd try the same level over and over, and in a fit of frustration, "SMACK!!!!!"  Reset.  Do over.  Restart.  "Stupid moving pipey things with fireballs coming at me and a wizard that just keeps appearing...  OVER IT."

I said I'd start over in my last blog.  I did, for a couple days.  Then blew it...  Then I did again for a couple of days!  And then I blew it for a few days...  I'm not sure what my problem is, but I am all out of sorts lately!  It seems like every few months, I've got to sit down and hash out a game plan.  Get organized.  Get back on a schedule.  Plan out my eating.  Clean my abyss of a bedroom.  Oh, Lordy - here we go...

Step 1 
Pre-planning my food again as usual.  As I mentioned before, a key to my progress has been making sure that I have good food available to me, things that are quick and easy to grab, and often planning out what I'm going to eat for the whole day either that morning, or the night before.  I haven't been buying groceries as thoughtfully as I used to. I've got to be honest with myself.  For whatever reason lately, I've had a very difficult time sticking to my guns and I have to make sure there is nothing in my cupboard that will allow me to splurge thoughtlessly.  Usually, I've got it down. I've got control.  I don't have as much control lately, and I've got to keep things away from me that will tempt me to do the wrong thing.  It's about to get real.

Step 2
The bedroom!  They say messy house messy mind, yeah? This is true.  I'm a bit of a discombobulated thingamabob right now trying to sort out quite a few aspects of life. When I get frazzled, I let my room get uber-frazzled.  It is time for a top-to-bottom clean of my room, and a purging of the wardrobe.  Anything that doesn't fit must go.  What will I do with all of those clothes?  I will have a garage sale at my parents' - date TBD.  I've got a lot of great stuff in very gently/never used condition.  I'll keep you all posted.

Step 3
I love flying by the seat of my pants.  But, I've got to have structure.  I need to get to bed earlier, get up early and work out, and make the most of my day.  Structure may seem restrictive, but oh no, no, no, it is not.  Structure allows you to get done what must be done in a timely fashion so you can do more with the time you have left over.  I spend too much time trying to figure out what I'm going to do and how, easily distracted by - well, I'm easily distracted period, and end up spending too much time on random minutiae instead of just getting to it.  I'm a list-maker extraordinaire.  I will tackle lists like nobody's business, but if it doesn't make the list...  Bad news, bears.  I've got to give myself guidelines, timelines, lists, and things of the like or else it all goes to pot.  I'm better at this at work than I am with my personal responsibilities, and this is a change of the most critically imperative nature.

Now, if only I had a Yoshi I could ride around - everything would be sorted.  How? I don't know, but I've always wanted to ride a dinosaur with a shell on its back that can reach things from long distances with its tongue.  Haven't you?!

5k and A New Day.

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Sunday.  It should have been a great day.  I should have been really pleased with myself.

Should have...

Last year, my grand ol' city of Kalamazoo became host to a new marathon - Borgess Hospital's Run for the Health of It.  The company I work for decided to sponsor any of us who wanted to get involved, so I decided it'd be a great idea and a great example of my new-found healthy lifestyle to take part.  I had a hard time coming alive that day, but I pushed myself through it and I finished in 52 minutes.  I was disappointed that day because I knew I did over 3 miles regularly in a little less than that, but I was pleased that I'd decided to partake.

It's so interesting looking back.  One year ago, I was about 285lbs and had lost about 30.  I was in better shape and feeling really good about myself.  I walked along with my friend Erin, each of us with our pump-you-up tunes channeling into our brains through one earbud so we could chat along the way.  We huffed it!  We did the math, and we walked an average of 4.13 miles per hour and I was really pleased with the steady pace, even uphill.  It's really weird to think that I did the same thing today as I did a year ago, but about 90lbs lighter, and about 10 minutes faster.  It felt good to improve and feel how far I've come.

But.

After all of that, I couldn't stop thinking about how my lack of diligence has caught up with me and I spent the better part of the day feeling so very disappointed in myself.  I know I've put on a couple of pounds.  I've had a rough month, which is no excuse.  But instead of my exercise enhancing my weight loss, it's helped me juuuuust about break even.  I've realized that if there are easy, yummy things around me, I don't say no very well.  I'm just fine when I can control the foods around me and how they've been prepared.  When I'm not in as much control as I'd like, though, I find myself either eating without even realizing what I've consumed, or almost having an anxiety attack about how what I'm going to do so that I stick within what I know I should consume.  I've had a few awkward moments at restaurants when I pretty much have an anxiety attack over what I'm going to eat because it seems like there isn't anything reasonable for me to eat.  True story.  Ask my Mom.

What am I going to do about this?

I've gotta celebrate!  I've come so far!  I'm perfectly capable of making good choices, but I realize I'm still in a phase where I have to log my calories the majority of the time, because while I am a better eater overall, I still have times where I eat thoughtlessly and end up eating things that I shouldn't.  Work in progress here, people.  Work in progress.  And while this is nauseatingly overused, tomorrow really is a new day.  Today was a new day, too.  What did I do with it?  What shall I do with tomorrow?

I decided that today, I would reboot - get back to my good, ol' healthy eating standards and let my body get back to normal and recover from all of the things it's not used to processing.  I already feel better.

And what surprise awaited me on this day of getting back on the horse?  A phone call from my gym.  I work out regularly at my local Snap Fitness, and they started a weight loss challenge in the beginning of March.  We had to do the final weigh in last Monday, the last day of my gym membership.  I was really sad that I wouldn't be able to afford to keep it up, but it turns out  I will have 3 more months of gym membership.

For free.

Yep - for free.  I won!  Diligence pays off, and just because I may have flubbed up for a while...  Well, I am human, and I mess up sometimes.  Thank God for reminding me, though, that just because I screwed up, it doesn't mean that I am a screw up.

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Outfit! Recipe!

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I couldn't think of a witty title, so I figured adding exclamation points to the basics might just do it for you.

Top & Cami - Old Navy.  Skirt - random find at TJ Maxx.
Belt - Anne Taylor Loft.  Shoes - Madden Girl.
Bracelet Set - Lane Bryant.  Necklace - Paisley Acoustic
Guitar from Forever 21.  

I wore this...

And I ate this.  Well, I ate this last week - but it was so good, I felt that I needed to share it.  This meal, while  healthy, was not light.  It was about 500 calories.   My suggestion?  That wrap was huge.  Share it.  

But, not today.  :)

Lawash  Sundried Tomato Flatbread

1oz Spartan  Neufchatel  Cheese

4oz Nova Lox Smoked Salmon 

Fresh Basil Leaves

1 Roma Tomato sprinkled with garlic powder, salt, and pepper

1 cup Spinach

2 cups Red Leaf Romaine

.5 cups Sliced Mushrooms

5 Sliced Strawberries

1/2 Small mango - about 1/4 cup

1/4 cup Green Pepper
1 tbs Pompeian Balsamic Vinegar

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Goodbye, 200's!

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On a work-out date night with
my friend, Lindsey.

I was prepared for my weigh-in Tuesday morning.  It is a huge time of transition, and I must admit – I lost control the last couple of weeks.  I worked out hard, but I am hugely aggravated that, in a mentally and emotionally difficult time, I allowed myself to be comforted by indulging in food.  Well – and a few pretty magical craft beers.

I actually left the 200’s the week prior, but I didn’t want to commit to it because I knew that I’d messed it up.  I was certain.  So, I braced myself, stood on the scale, and to my complete surprise, I saw these numbers:

197.7

ONE HUNDRED ninety seven pointseven pounds…

I’m really not in the 200’s anymore…  My weight really starts with a 1…  Can you even remember the last time you were in the 1’s?  The smallest weight I can remember is 216.  You are really, really for real in the 1’s, Sarah.  You’re really still there.  That sounds…  Normal…

Things are changing; so many things both in and out of my control.  And while there are many different ways these things have manifested, I realized it all boils down to this: 

I am finally okay with being me.

“Why is this a problem?” you ask?  Because more than being content and confident in myself, I have this little voice inside my head telling me to “know my place.” 

“You can’t say you’re pretty, or go for that, or try this, or think great things are possible for you – be humble,” I hear from some cruel, bossy place within me.  That is not humility. That is confusion, doubt, and fear rearing their ugly head. There has been a big, mean battle within me, and I seem to pull no punches.

No more.  I’m done with the 200’s, and I’m done with this battle.

Eat my shorts, 200's.  I kick and I punch.

Here is what has begun to sink in over the last couple of weeks:

I am a beautiful, loveable, smart, confident person who absolutely adores people and life, and has a good head on her shoulders.  I have no reason to doubt myself.  I have no reason to not stick to my guns.  I have no reason to cower.  I have no reason to feel unworthy.  I never used to be this way, I never should have begun, and I am finished with it.  

Moving into the 100’s, I’ve got to tell you – it’s an interesting time.  It’s a little scary.  And sometimes it’s hard.  And sometimes I freak out a little bit because I’m in a transition between who I was for a while, who I am, and who I’m becoming.  

I like who I’m becoming.

From top left to bottom right:  Me at about 320lbs in January 2011, me at over 300lbs in March of 2011, then
me at 60, 70, 80, 90lbs, and 100lbs lost!

If you'd like to catch up on the big milestones since I've started this here blog, feel free to check these out!

Sixty, Shimxty: Another 10lb Benchmark Smashed.
70lbs - Gone To The Fishes.
81lbs Get The Boot.
30's, Here I Come: Gained a year, and lost 90lbs.
Lost 101 Pounds and Found Myself.

Readers, have you already gone through some of these changes or find yourself in an interesting time of transition, yourself?  I would really love to hear from you.  How are you doing?  How did you get through it?  What advice can you give the rest of us, or what advice do you need from others?  There’s a pretty great group of you out there with invaluable life experience, so let’s share.

Little Victory!

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Brief but awesome...

My wrist is now small enough to do this.

That is all.

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Lunch & Black Mountain for 195 calories. Lovely.

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I locked myself away in my room yesterday getting work done, but it really was enjoyable!  The soundtrack to my day was mighty fine.  It started with a Classic Soft Rock compilation full of goodies like Hall & Oates and Bread (don't even pretend you haven't sang along to them, too...).

The winning combination, though?  

This wrap...

Tumaro's Low Carb 95% Fat Free Gourmet Tortilla
2tbs Sabra Classic Hummus
2tbs rinsed black beans
1/4 medium red pepper
1/2 cup bean sprouts
1 cup raw spinach


195 Calories.  Nice.






And, the first two albums by Black Mountain.  I suggest you click the pics & check them out.

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