When it's my turn, I'll bring your shoes...

In a few hours, I'm going to meet my family at a little lake in a small town not too far from here.

A few months ago, my Uncle passed away.  He was an awesome man.  He was a lovely human being, a cool Uncle, was as goofy as the rest of us, could tell a story a mile long (a few times...), loved the outdoors, loved music, and loved us.

They have a little cottage on that lake I'm going to visit tonight, and this is the first summer we've been there without him.  It was bizarre, but it felt like he'd just taken the kids out for a ride in the boat and wasn't back yet.  And then, I caught a glimpse of a silly thing.

I thought, "Oh - his shoes..."  Then, I remembered those were my dad's.  The guys loved these shoes.  My brother got them, then so did Dad.  Then, Jim did, too.

And then I remembered, "Wait.  No.  Those aren't his shoes..."

And it hit me.

My Aunt gave me a hug and told me that my Uncle was so very proud of me and would have loved to tell me so himself.  The way she said it, I could just see him, pleased as punch, knowing that I'd made this huge change in my life.  Allowing myself to really live.  It's been great, and I know he was proud.  He was when he saw me at 40lbs lost, and I know he'd have been just as delighted at nearly 130lbs lost.

Tonight, his ashes are going to one of his favorite places; this quaint little lake where we all have years of great memories with him.

It feels good to know that I made him proud.  I'm going to miss him.  

Hot diggity dog.

This is my family's dog Kylie.  She's pretty much wonderful in every way.

Except when I'm trying to work out...

As soon as she sees me in workout attire, she gets so excited it's ridiculous and knows that the likelihood of a W-A-L-K is significantly higher.  She'll swat at my legs until I give in.  Or, if I opt to do something like, ohhhhhh - I don't know...  Stretch, or do pilates, or something, she's instantly all up in your space and ready for a cuddle.  "Yes, Kylie, doing these pilates moves on my side just happens to be the ideal position for you to spoon with me, but this isn't working out so well..."  On the elliptical?  She'll sit there, stare at me, and occasionally swat my foot as it goes by.


This time?  Well, there you have it.

I've found "the one."

Yes, that's right.  It's tough, you know.  It takes a lot longer than most of us would like, and there's a whole lot of trial and error involved.  So many times, you come so close, but you know it's just not right.  There are little things you know you can compromise on, but other little things you know will just lead to disaster, or at least severe dissatisfaction and doom later on.  But, sometimes holding out is worth it.

I've searched far, wide, high, and low - and it finally happened for me.

I found a bathing suit that I actually like.

It is with much trepidation, my hands covering my face and a blanket over my head, that I show you THE bathing suit.  This was so much easier when I didn't think about how many people might see this.

Old Navy.  On sale.  Fits like a glove.  Curves like a 50's fox.  Bam.

That is all.

Last August, nearly 50lbs down.

 

Balance.

When life gives you a box of chocolates, or some lemons, or a tornado or a big sunny double rainbow - I don't know.  Feed the tornado some lemons while you juggle chocolates trying to explain to one rainbow that the other one just forgot it's not its turn that day.

Life makes just about that much sense.

These last couple of months have been interesting!  I feel as though I've fallen into a trap of apologetic blogger who means well but doesn't post enough, etc.  So, let's just get that out of the way.  Sorry I haven't been posting as diligently as I once did.  But, well, rainbows are fussy and it turns out tornadoes love lemons.  The chocolates?  Well, they looked delicious - but I'm trying to maintain my girlish figure, so I thought I may as well learn to juggle.  With chocolate.  It's been interesting trying to figure out how to balance it all.

Which brings me to today's lesson:

Balance.

How does one obtain this?  Some people just seem to inherently have it.  Others never have it, but they're really good at juggling.  Some people learn it eventually...  Others just don't have it, don't get it, and never will.  I'm not quite sure where I fall on this spectrum, but the last few months have been a lesson in this department - that is for certain.

As I've mentioned before, I don't have a dimmer.  My switch is ON, or it's off...

Kalamazoo State Theatre, Kalamazoo, MI.  My home away from home.

I work at a beautiful, historic, old theatre.  Tucked in little coves along the theatre walls are these fantastic Liberace-esque candelabras.  Until a few years ago, their only light setting was on.  Really, really on.  We wanted to install dimmers so that we could dim the lights during our events to still have that romantic, old-school aesthetic, but we knew that it was going to be quite a tedious and laborious process to get it done.  This place is nearing 90 years old, and changes like this are always quite a feat.  Getting to wiring tucked in walls made of plaster, horse hair, and more is always a bit of a trick.  Every time I sneak into the theatre during a show and see the gentle glow, though, I'm reminded of how very much it was worth it.

I've been trying really hard to install my own dimmer, but apparently it required a couple of meetings, some brainstorming sessions, a cost-analysis, some compromise, and then some difficult rewiring to install this stinking dimmer.  Actually, I'd prefer to not think of it as a dimmer, but more of a...  balancer-thingamadoojob.  Yes, that's much better.

Nearly 90-year-old light control panel.  The
switches next to the tape marked "on" actually
turn on stars and clouds on the theatre ceiling.

I'm quite hard on myself when I'm not as diligent about my food.  I stress out when I have a day that I didn't work out, and I really get perturbed when there are a few days in a week where I don't work out.  But there is so much life happening - meeting people, changing circumstances, fun things that pop up, and more.  I've had so much fun getting out and about, making an effort to be present, do things, have fun with people, enjoy new and old friends.  My role at work has evolved in a wonderful way, bringing along new, interesting challenges, and I am one busy, busy bee.  Finding time for everything I want to make happen in a day is a challenge.

So many interesting, and thankfully, good things are happening.  I've been reminded recently by a few of you outstanding people who I've gotten to know through this blog that, sometimes, it is good and it is necessary to pause, reflect, see how far you've come, and appreciate where you're at.

I'm in the mood to turn the lights on full blast again.  Brighten it up a bit.  But, I suppose adjusting my balancer-thingmadoojob to let life happen every now & then won't kill me.  I may not be as full bore at all times as I have been, but I'm certainly enjoying the glow.

Yo Gabba Gabba on wheat with avocado, please.

Apparently, my core instincts are about the same as they were when I was about 5.

Some dear friends of mine are getting married this evening, so I knew that today was going to be a great day.  It is, however, now even greater because it started off like this.

Only 288 calories!  (See my breakfast entry on myfitnesspal.com.)

And then, this.

Judge me all you like.  I love Yo Gabba Gabba.  No, I don't have kids.  No, I'm not babysitting.  I am a full grown woman who just so happens to thoroughly enjoy parties in her tummy (so yummy, so yummy) with vegetables, Mark Mothersbaugh teaching me how to draw silly things, and appearances from the likes of Andy Samberg, Flaming Lips, Devo, MGMT, The Faint, Weezer, Biz Markee, and so very many more.  This show is awesome, and you bet your bum my kids will be subjected to it when I have them someday.  And they will dance!

Speaking of dancing, I am sure I will doing quite a bit of that later after two of my dearest friends get married this evening!  I hope your Saturday is as lovely as mine has been thus far!

Accidentally delicious.

I don't have photos - boo.  BUT!

Last night, I stopped by my favorite grocery store, D&W on Parkview and Oakland in Kalamazoo, MI.  My, oh my, do they ever have a wonderful meat counter.  Their fish selection is fantastic.  I got 1.13lbs of tilapia for $4 on manager's special, ran to my parents' house to meet a friend and work out, then realized - I need to eat.  What to do with this fish?!

Here's what I did.  I made a marinade.  An awesome, delicious, super awesome, yummy marinade.

It included...

2tsp honey dijon mustard
1tbs-ish of fresh orange zest
2tbs of orange juice (squeezed from same orange as the zest)
1 clove minced garlic
bit of basil
bit of dried minced onion
a whole lot of awesome

I mixed that all up, threw it in a baggie and let it marinate for 40 mins while I went for a walk/jog.  Which reminds me, I was pleased as punch to have completed 3.1 miles in 40 minutes!  How many miles per hour is that?  I don't know...  Rate = distance / time or something?  3.1 miles divided by 40 minutes, times 60 equallllsssss...  4.65 miles per hour.  Not bad!

After said brisk walk/jog, I returned, threw that fish and some zucchini (which I sprayed with a bit of Pam and tossed with Italian herbs & garlic) and cooked up in about 10 minutes.  The marinade was awesome.  My Mom laughed at me when I exclaimed, "This is so good...  I can't believe I made it."

Bonus?  The whole meal was 275 calories.  Next time, I'm going to do this up and let things marinate over night, and it will be even more stellar.

I keep asking this, and I'm serious - any of you have some yummy, healthy meals you've stumbled upon?  I wanna know!  I'll try it!  And I'll even take pictures, I promise.

Bathing Suit Shopping...

The one! Almost...  St. John's Bay -
Bandeau Swim Dress, only $42 at JC Penney

Memorial Day weekend has just passed.  The weather was sensational - the kind of weather you hope for in the dead of summer for 4th of July barbecues, last minute trips to Lake Michigan, or wonderful, summery tomfoolery in general.  There was so much to do!  Most of these things to do, of course, required a bathing suit.

No problem.  JC Penney has oodles of cute bathing suits in all shapes and sizes, and their new pricing is outstanding.  No clearance or sale needed.  Whereas most places the price of a bathing suit will quite easily start at around $80 and we keep our fingers crossed for a sale, their one piece suits were mostly between about $35 and $42, and a two piece could range from $18 to $50.  Yeah, I'm plugging - I was impressed.

I wasn't sure what my struggle would be trying on bathing suits 120-some pounds lighter, so I went in with an idea of what I wanted.  It needed to have some kind of skirt to hide my weird thighs (loose skin from weight loss is a bugger, I tell you...), and not be too big in the bust.

I really thought it would be a piece of cake!  However, over two hours and dozens of bathing suits later, I left empty handed. I found myself having the best luck with size 14 one piece suits, or size 10/12/Large tops and 14 bottoms.  The plus size 14's worked great for the length I wanted in skirts, but were constantly too busty.  I'm such an inbetweeny!  There was one suit that was just about the most perfect thing ever, except that it was made for a person with the torso of a 10 year old girl.  It had a lovely vintage flair to it, the skirt was the perfect length, it hugged my curves like a glove, but I was in danger of having it slide down & make for some awkward moments if I didn't constantly pull it upwards.  I never have issues with that because I'm so short-waisted, but alas...  The hunt will have to continue.

Whether we're a size -8 or 28, bathing suit shopping is always interesting!  What are some of your issues bathing suit hunting?  Have you had any luck?  If you've got some tips or favorite shopping spots, share!